True Story: A child walked into our bedroom saying, “Hey! Can I…” trailing off as they looked up and noticed that it was me that they were talking to. They then inquired where their Dad was.

Can you guess why? I’ll give you a hint: It wasn’t because they were trying to plan some happy surprise for me. It was because they were looking for a yes and they knew exactly who they were most likely to get it from. Not me.

I don’t know what it is like in your family, but it isn’t uncommon for there to be one parent that is more likely to say yes—which obviously leaves one parent more likely to say no. Being the no person isn’t actually a bad thing. There are good reasons to say no! Kids need to be told no! (If you’ve ever been around a child that has never been told no, you know how true this is!) However, no one likes to be the one saying no all the time. And, while kids need to be told no, it is also important that they hear yes. Maybe even more often than they hear no.

But, how do you do that? After all, it is dangerous to backflip off the roof of the house onto the trampoline. Ice cream isn’t a good breakfast. And you can’t afford that pony. (Or whatever kinds of ridiculous things your children request.) How do you manage to not allow chaos to rein, but yet still be a “yes” person?

One key to being a “yes person” is to simply be present. Don’t be always trying to do something else. Kids are not efficient! They won’t add to your productivity. Your house will be messier and nosier. But, if done correctly, it will also be more fun and filled with love. Don’t miss the moments. Be present. You’ll be amazed at how doing so will help you to be more patient, more excited about your kids, and less worried about other things.

Tip: Put your phone out of reach and set a period of time to do nothing but engage with your kids. Preferably over a fun—and maybe messy—activity. If you need to, set a timer so you know you won’t miss your next meeting, getting dinner in the over, etc. That way you can fully engage without being distracted by time.

A second key to saying yes is to have well established boundaries. There don’t have to be a lot, but there should be clear and well established rules and rhythms of life in your home. It is okay to break a boundary occasionally—for example: staying up late on a special occasion or leaving the house a mess after a Friday night of family fun, etc.—if it is simply adding a layer of joy to an already peaceful household. However if you don’t have well established boundaries, then adding “extra yeses” will only feel unsafe because they are adding chaos to your home without the security that routine and rules bring. So, it may seem contrary, but to be a yes person, make sure you have well established boundaries within your home first.

Tip: Figure out what two or three rules are the most important for your kids to follow. Work to articulate them in a simple and clear way. Teach them to your children and explain to them what the consequences will be if they are not followed. Then, follow-through! Praise your kids when they do well with them. Gently correct them when they don’t. It’s amazing how clear and consistent rules can help to create stability and safety within a home. (An example: Don’t lie. It’s simple and clear, applies multiple ages, and will both instill good character and protect the relationships within your home.)

Lastly, learn to say these words, “Hmmm…that sounds fun. How about if we….” Even if you become an expert at saying yes, there will still be times you need to say no. A lot of times, probably. Sometimes its okay to just say no. (Maybe even adding a “Don’t be ridiculous!” or “Nice Try.” for an extra flourish.) But, when possible, try saying “What if you did xyz instead?” That gives an option of what they can do. This requires proactivity and ideas on your end. It means that there have to be some options that your kids will actually be excited about that are allowed.

Tip: Plan ahead. Have some craft supplies, games, books, baking supplies, activity ideas, etc. prepared to pull out at the appropriate time as a fun activity. These can be things for your child to do alone, but if they are activities you can join in, that’s even better! Hint: There are a lot of ideas on the internet for free, fun activities to do within your home with kids. So, if you feel stuck, simply start searching and making a list of the best ideas you find!

Being a parent is stressful. It requires a lot. There is no magic word that is going to change that. But, learning to say yes will make it more fun. Not only will your household engage in more fun activities, but you will be amazed at what it does to your relationship with your child, and what it does inside of you. Did you know that you were actually created more for yes than no? From the very beginning of creation, God created a vast world full of beauty and life. To be sure, there were boundaries—there was one giant “No!” in fact. But that wasn’t the focus then and it still isn’t now. Instead, though there are clear boundaries, life with Jesus is abundant and filled with adventure, fullness, and connection! This is what our homes can be like, too: safe, with clear boundaries, and filled with adventure, joy, and loving connection.