I was blessed to grow up in a home where there was not a lot of emphasis on weight.  I didn’t realize until later how freeing that was to me.  While weight did become an issue for many of the girls in my High School as I grew older–with a close friend even developing anorexia–it wasn’t really something that ever got a hold on me.  The combination of the freedom in my home and seeing first hand the destructive effects of such an unhealthy obsession on weight and food helped me to avoid some pitfalls that many girls/women fall into.

However, it wasn’t that I didn’t have any insecurities surrounding my appearance.  And when I became a mom for the first time, I quickly realized how easy it would be to go down a road that would not lead to a similar free environment for my children.  You see, when Jamey and I lived in Germany I worked out once–and often twice–a day.  The reason for this was because we would ride together to the Air Base Jamey was stationed at and my work day was much shorter than his.  So, I would often end up at the gym before I began work simply because there was a lack of other options.  Then, Jamey would hit the gym after he was done with work and so I would be there again.  My lack of passion in the gym prevented me from being anything more than moderately fit, but I never had trouble fitting into my clothes.  Then, we moved to North Carolina and my gym routine was gone.  My pregnancy had physical restrictions attached to it for various reasons and, let’s just say, by the time it was over I didn’t exactly pop right back into my jeans.  So, I was faced with a decision.  Did I diet and strive to get back in to them as soon as possible?  I was a little afraid of that choice.  Not only because I didn’t want to go through the pain of dieting, but because I knew how quickly that could become an absolute focus of mine.  (I tend to me a little “all or nothing”.)  I also realized that if we were going to have more children–which, I assumed correctly, we were–then this would begin a cycle of dieting without any foreseeable end.  And I realized how quickly that could become a lesson to my children.  One that I did not want to teach them.  So, I made a rule for myself–no dieting.

(Please understand, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with dieting in and of itself.  Often it can be done in a healthy way and especially if there are health concerns, it may need to be done.  In the interest of being transparent, I’ll share that I’m even contemplating breaking my rule a little after this last pregnancy so I can wear a few of those summer dresses in my closet before the fleeting summer passes by. We’ll see.)  What I am saying is that I made the choice that I didn’t want my home to be an environment where food or appearance would be a focus and I am very happy that I did.  It has created an environment of freedom and acceptance that I am very pleased with.

However, I soon realized that my “no dieting” rule was simply the first step.  The second step was actually accepting myself as my weight would go up and down through out the years during my various pregnancies. (Not to mention the other changes that happened to my body and appearance.)  If I didn’t diet, but remained critical of how I looked or was constantly showing insecurity in what I looked like or who I was, what would be the point of not dieting in the first place?  So, I challenged myself to accept myself the same way I was accepting my children.

One practical way I did this was that I stopped shying away from being in pictures.  I also stopped being critical of the picture after it was taken.  No snide comments or censoring the pictures to allow only the ones I approved of.  And, this was so freeing!  It has allowed me to simply enjoy myself and the moments I have with my family–without the worry, burden and distraction of worrying about how I look.  It has also created a healthy environment in our home.  It isn’t that appearance isn’t an issue in our home.  With five daughters, it is.  But it isn’t a negative issue.  Instead, in our home appearance is celebrated!  (We are a home filled with girls who love our fashion and glamour!)

Unfortunately, I can’t say that my kids have never been exposed to the issues that can be so prevalent in our society in regards to weight and appearance.  One of my daughters has a friend who was worried about being “fat” at a very young age.  It broke my heart to hear my daughter begin to process some of the things she had heard come out of her friend’s mouth.  But, I soon realized that though raising my kids with a value system that is enforced by the actual atmosphere of our home wouldn’t prevent these issues from entering their lives, it will prevent them from gaining a foothold.  As with so many other issues in parenting, it isn’t about sheltering your children from the world, but it is about preparing them for it so that they won’t be molded by it.

The thing is, this all starts with me accepting myself.  And beyond mere acceptance,  actually liking myself.  How can I teach my kids to genuinely feel good about who they are if I can’t do it authentically myself?  Enjoying the beauty and individuality of each of my kids has truly helped me to appreciate the unique beauty that I carry.  I can’t say that I don’t have days when I feel…frumpy or like I am already showing too many signs of the aging process.  But, this value system prevents me from dwelling there too long.  I’ve also discovered that when I am less critical of myself I am much less critical of others.  And, I am much more fun to be around!  I am able to be “in the moment” more fully.  I am also able to recognize and celebrate beauty in the people and world around me much more easily.  Learning to love–and actually like–myself has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts I could give to my kids.  And, myself.