Before Jamey and I had children, I vaguely remember us doing fun things together.  😉  One time, we went and camped out at a music festival for several days.  This wasn’t one of those fun times.  Just Kidding. Mostly.  The problem was that it was cold and rainy and dirty.  And, you may not know this about me, but I don’t like cold.

And, I do like to shower.  Regularly.  (As I’m writing this I am seeing that most of my camping experiences have a common thread through them…)  Anyway, during this particular experience, most of the people we were with went home at least once to shower and warm up a little bit since we weren’t terribly far from where we lived at the time.  Jamey was of the mind that we didn’t have to follow suit.  After all, he proclaimed, “We are VanGelders and VanGelders are tough!”  I tried to convince him that I wasn’t tough because I wasn’t a VanGelder by blood, after all.  I only had the name through marriage.  But, it apparently wasn’t a persuasive argument because we never did go home.  However, I did survive.  And, while I really enjoyed when the festival was over and we finally got to return home, it was with a sense of pride.  I had survived.  Maybe I did have some of that toughness, afterall.

Since that day, much has changed.  For example, our camping tends to be in the yard now.  But, I am also am more sure about what it means to be a VanGelder.  That is because Jamey and I have been defining it for 16 years now.  We have values that govern our lives.  Some of them are “big” and some seem “small”.  But they are equally important in determining what it means to be a “VanGelder” (at least in our home).  We teach them to our children and I tell them, “We are VanGelders.  And that is what VanGelders do.”  I know that each child is different and has an individual identity, too.  However, there is an overarching identity to our family.  This identity is one that, I will admit, carries responsibility.  However, responsibility is not a bad thing.  It brings with it safety and freedom and a place of belonging.  It says, “This is my family.  The boundaries are clear.  I am a part of it.  I belong here.”  It teaches values that flow down into behavior choices.

It also gives my children the freedom to be different from the people around them.  I understand that the way we do things won’t be the same as the way other families do things.  I don’t want my children to be threatened by that, or to demand that others do things the way we do.  Understanding that this is the standard for our home gives freedom for other homes to have other standards.  We don’t need to judge the way someone else does things.  They aren’t the VanGelders.  They don’t have to live like us.

There is power in a name.  It can become whatever you make it.  So, I ask you–what’s in your name?