As I’ve mentioned in the last few blog posts, our home does not run on fairness and we do believe in favorites.  (If you haven’t read them, please do so in order to understand that statement in its correct context.)  Our home is definitely better because of those values.  However, there is one value that has to be present in order for this environment to be healthy and happy for everyone.  And, it is a value that I have yet to see naturally and consistently occur in any of my six children.  It is this:  We rejoice with those who are rejoicing.

It can be hard to rejoice with someone who is rejoicing when we don’t have that same reason to rejoice.  If I have just been fired from a job that I worked very hard at, it can be hard to rejoice when I hear someone else has just been given a great promotion.  Especially if I perceive that he/she isn’t as hard a worker as I am, as though somehow the two are related.  Because, the reality is, they aren’t.  Someone else’s fortune is not a cause of my misfortune.   The universe is much bigger than we realize and the world is so full of opportunity that we aren’t going to run out!

Kids need to be taught the value of celebrating others’ victories.  They need to learn that being happy for someone isn’t something that we do just when we feel like it.  We do it because it is the right thing to do.  Always.  Even more, it is something we do because it flows out of who we are.  What does this look like in parenting?

Love your children well.  Tell them that you will always love them well and that you loving others will not in any way diminish your love for them.  Let them know that it may be “natural” to feel jealous, but we aren’t simply “natural” people driven by our desires.  We aren’t controlled by our emotions, but we control them.  Teach your kids that, yes, they are that powerful!

Then, find practical ways for your kids to invest their love in one another.  The more they do so, the less competition and rivalry will exist.  The more they choose to serve and love one another, the more they will “naturally” rejoice in others’ success.

For example: Our three oldest kids have one of the three youngest as a “lil buddy” each week.  They are responsible for helping that one and going out of their way to treat them kindly.  It rotates each week.  This makes them turn their heart purposely toward their little sisters on a regular basis, which helps their affection level grow.  It has definitely caused their ability to “rejoice” with them grow, because they feel personally invested in their lives.

This is just one example, there are lots of different ways to do it.  It all starts with embracing and teaching the value for it, though.  (By the way, it also helps if we model the way with our behavior and attitude, too!)   If you haven’t yet, choose today to adopt this value for your home.  How can joy not increase as you rejoice more and more?