This morning was a rather busy morning–as often is the case in a family of eight.  I was going to be going in to work for a few hours and wanted to finish school with my two oldest before I left.  The baby was down for a nap, and the other three littlest ones had disappeared downstairs.  I hadn’t heard commotion down there and had a feeling that it was a little too quiet.  You know what I mean!  But, I was also enjoying the quiet, as it enabled me to finish what I needed to do.  So, it was a little out of reluctance that I ventured into the basement to find out what was going on.

The first thing I discovered was that the bathroom door was locked.  (Multiple children on the other side of a locked door is never a good sign!)  As I knocked on the door and heard the scrambling as one moved to open it, I braced myself a little.  Were they in the make-up?  Using all the dixie cups to sip one sip of water out of each?  Filling the sinks and playing in them as though they are a tub? Nope.  None of the above.  Instead they were playing “cleaning”.  This sounds like a pretty great thing.  Only one problem.  They didn’t quite have the right tools to play with.  Instead of cleaner, they used–an entire can, might I add–of Febreze.  It was everywhere–the mirror, the counter, the floor.  It really was an entire can!  (Not that it really matters, but only the past week had I ever purchased any sort of air freshener.  We had never really had anything like that in our bathrooms before.  I had recently thought it might be nice for our guests if our bathroom was stocked with something like that.  So, I don’t think my children had every really seen any sort of spray in the bathroom that wasn’t a cleaner.)  You can imagine the smell.  How they could stand it in there is beyond me.  On top of the “Febreze Cleaner”, they used toilet paper and my good towels as their cleaning rags!

I will admit to getting a little bit flustered at first.  The bathroom had cleaner and toilet paper bits everywhere!  Quickly, though, I realized something.  What they were doing was actually pretty awesome.  At least, the intention behind it was.  Their desire was good.  They just didn’t know the best way to execute it.  As we cleaned up (and a little bit after), I was able to share about how the next time that they wanted to play “cleaning”, they should let me know.  Because I had things that they could use that would work out better–an extra sponge, an empty spray bottle, etc.  You see, the choice I had with my kids was either to scold them because they had created a big mess–and in doing so, replace their passion for something with shame or uncertainty.  Or, I could help to give them the proper tools for what they wanted to do.  After all, we do have a rule in our house:  You can make a mess (at least, an appropriate mess), but you have to clean it up.  Did I want this to be a mess that didn’t fit with that rule?  Did I really want to discourage their creativity, teamwork and–heaven forbid–desire to clean?  No.  That wouldn’t produce the outcome I was after at all.  It was clear that their behavior needed to be corrected, but not because the heart behind it was bad.  The value system was good, they just had to be trained in the proper way to express it.

As I have thought about this I have been struck by something:  how much of parenting is like this?  You see, most people naturally want to be good parents.  Your child is born and you can’t help but to love them and want their best.  You want them to be happy and safe and your home to be a place of life and love.  So, why aren’t all homes like this?  Why is parenting so tricky?  How do such great expectations and intentions end up going so badly?  I think a lot of that is quite simple.  Parents aren’t trained.  They haven’t been given the right tools.  So, even though their hearts are right, they end up making a big mess of things.

The good news is that the right tools are out there!  You simply have to learn what they are and how to use them.  My journey to motherhood has been so blessed.  While I was pregnant with my oldest, I lived in a place that equipped my husband and I for parenthood.  They gave us tools, directions in how to use them, encouragement as we started out, and hope for what the end result would be.  (This was at a church that had the most amazing families I had ever seen.  It has been nine years since we left and I have continued to see their children grow up healthy, mature and happy.  And without any of the rebellion and relationship strife that so many think is inevitable in family life!)

I know that I don’t have all the answers.  I haven’t become the perfect mother and, quite frankly, I don’t aspire to be.  I simply hope to be correctly equipped for my family to end up blossoming as we journey together into our destiny.  If any of the tools I have are ones you need, I’m thankful to be able to share.  If not, I hope my stories provide encouragement, amusement and life to you anyway!  Blessings to you!